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Are You a Love Giver, Seeker, or Taker? Here is How to Tell

by Martha Simmonds
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What’s your love style like? Chances are that you have heard about attachment styles but this isn’t the only way to define yourself in intimate settings.

Various other categorizations exist. One of them divides people in three categories – givers, takers and seekers. Finding out which group you belong to is fairly easy, once you understand what each one entails.

Love Givers

The name of this category is very self-explanatory. The giver is a person who likes delivering affection and care to others. Giving is their love language, they way of showing commitment and dedication to a special someone.

Givers in their nature are very altruistic.

They love giving to others without expecting anything in return, they love connecting and bonding. This is the main difference between a giver and a matcher. Matchers are the people who give to others but who expect to receive love and affection in at least equal amounts.

Matchers add a transactional value to their relationships – something that most people wouldn’t appreciate. Givers, on the other hand, are open and ready to please. While this is an incredible thing for the people they love, it can become too much. Some givers may “suffocate” their partners with all of the love and affection. In other instances, givers may be taken advantage of because of their selfless nature.

The Greedy Love Taker

A taker falls on the other end of the spectrum.

This is the person who craves love and affection. They demand care from a person they’re having an intimate relationship with.

Takers are often insecure and lacking in self-confidence. Testing their significant others and always wanting more serves as a form of reassurance. The problem with such practices is that partners can become tired and overwhelmed with the never-ending demands.

It’s very easy to move from being a taker to becoming a love dictator. This can easily happen whenever a giver and a taker get paired with each other. Unless some healthy boundaries are established, the relationship can quickly become toxic for both parties involved.

Seekers Always Looking for Love

Seekers are hunters, people who are always looking for love and always challenging themselves by setting new goals.

A seeker is a person who’s afraid of being alone. As a result, they will pursue relationships intensely and wholeheartedly.

Being a seeker is great, especially if you are open to opportunities that come your way. The behavior of seekers, however, can sometimes become obsessive and compulsive. It can even be characterized as self-destructive whenever a seeker pursues intense dynamics with a person who isn’t a good match.

How to Know Your Type and Make Relationships Work for You

Balance is the key to achieving success in all aspects of life. It’s especially important when you’re pursuing healthy and fulfilling relationships.

The best way to enjoy relationship dynamics is to switch between giver, receiver and seeker whenever the circumstances call for such a change.

Be a generous lover and focus on pleasing a significant other. Something as simple as looking for kinky sex toys on a site like AST together can establish healthy dynamics. You can then take turns using those new possessions and enjoying each other.

Know when you need to be dominant and intuitively step back whenever your partner feels like being in charge. A relationship is like a dance – sometimes you will move forward and sometimes you’ll need to step back. Dance with each other and don’t put yourself in the leading position at all times. Listen, interact and open up to your partner’s needs. By doing these things, you can assume the role that is best aligned with the specific situation.

Love, No Strings Attached

Here’s a simple rule that will help you determine your relationship style and whether it’s hurting or improving your love life.

Any intimate interaction you’re having should come with no strings attached.

Examine your motivation for doing a certain thing. Are you acting one way or another because you have certain expectations from your partner? If that’s the case, you’re not being all in. You’re adding a transactional element to the relationship dynamic that will sooner or later come back to haunt you.

When your partner is happy and you’re receiving love without actually promoting such giving, you’ll be enjoying the healthiest kind of relationship. It’s ok to have certain desires and expectations. It’s natural to act on those. Doing so, however, should happen in a respectful manner that accounts for the other person’s feelings and beliefs.

There isn’t a right or wrong way to love. Being a seeker, giver or taker is perfectly fine. That’s your nature and something you can’t change. This aspect of your love language, however, is something you can control. Make sure your tendencies don’t go to an extreme. Keep interactions with others balanced so that you’re not being taken advantage of and you’re not pushing others into uncomfortable territory. This is something you’ll learn and master with time and experience.

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