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29 Quotes from Zoolander That You Simply Have to Love

by Gloria Louden
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There’s nothing quite as funny as these quotes from Zoolander!

It’s been almost two decades since this comedy hit the screens, and it’s still as quotable today as it was back then. If you’re a fan of Zoolander, take a look at these “pearls of wisdom” from the main characters.

Short but Sweet Quotes from Zoolander

#1. “Earth to Matilda.”

#2. “Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He’s a cool dude.”

#3. “What say we settle this on the runway… Han-Solo?”

#4. “You’re dead to me, son. You’re even more dead to me than your dead mother.”

#5. “They’re *in* the computer?”

#6. “As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, so must you become Derelicte!”

#7. “If you’ll excuse me, I have an after-funeral party to attend.”

#8. “I’m going to retire, withdraw from public life, and become a hermit crab.”

#9. “I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.”

#10. “Damnit Derek, I’m a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.”

“Profound” Quotes from Zoolander

#11. “Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years — I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.”

#12. “Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.”

#13. “Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don’t mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful, I think.”

#14. “How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?”

#15. “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”

#16. “You know, I love modelling. I’d like to do this forever. When I’m 30, I hope I’m still modeling.”

#17. “There was a moment last night when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, ‘Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.’”

#18. “I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut; I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree.”

#19. “So I’m rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahhh ahhh, I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly, I realize ‘Holy sh*t, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head?’”

Memorable Quotes from Zoolander

#20. “People come up to me all the time and say ‘you should be a model,’ or ‘you look just like a model,’ or ‘maybe you should try to be a man who models.’ And I always have to laugh because I’m so good looking. Of course, I’m a model.”

#21. “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”

#22. “Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? NOTHING! YOU’VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey’s uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can’t get the job done, then I will!”

#23. “I wanted to create a new life for myself. I’m sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure, that my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, pop.”

#24. “Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.”

Ridiculous Quotes from Zoolander

#25. “I have problems with turns because I’m left handed, and they haven’t built a left-handed runway yet. I’ve done over 1,000 runway shows in my career, and if you put all those runways end to end, it’d be so long I couldn’t even walk down it without getting tired. I think the only good thing about it would be there’d be no turns.”

#26. “Derek, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who can’t turn… I mean, there have got to be some people out there just like you who can’t…turn…turn…left.”

#27. “I hear a lot of words like “beauty” and “handsomeness” and “incredibly chiseled features.” To me, that’s like a vanity that — a self-absorption that I try to steer clear of. I dig the bungee. I mean, for me, it’s just the way I live my life. I grip it, and I rip it. I live with a lot of flair. I live it on the edge, where I gotta be.”

#28. “He better be here because I’m a hot little potato right now!”

#29. “Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your ‘do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?’”

Conclusion

Zoolander is one of those movies that you can watch over and over again and still laugh at the same jokes. Each of the characters brings their own brand of ridiculousness to the mix, which makes for a great comedy.

Ultimately, whether or not you’re a fan of the movie, there’s no doubt that these quotes from Zoolander will make you laugh!


image source: scmp.com

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